How to “sleep train” your (almost) one year old in 12 easy steps.

Step one:


Decide it’s time to move baby into the room she will share with big sister. Say it is for her benefit, but we all know that you’re just tired of having to be extra quiet in your own room.


Step two:


Hype the move, so big sister is excited. Please note that you are not overly concerned about big sister having any issues, but this is a nice preventative measure.


Step three:


Prepare room. Ensure the room that has had a solo occupant for 6 years is safe for incoming baby. Plug outlets, remove tiny Legos, make sure there is nothing within baby’s reach, and construct a very, very crude blockade with which, you are telling yourself anyway, will help baby sleep, as she cannot see big sister.


Step four:


The new night routine begins. Extra hugs, songs, and giggles for the new roommates.


Extra wine for mom.


Step five:


Spend an abhorrent about of time trying to calm down overexcited baby, who has realized that big sister is also currently still in the same room. And also that she’s in a new space. With new sounds. And lights. And basically everything is different except mom keeps trying to leave.

(Please note that big sister, at this step, is asleep)


Step six:


Repeat step five for what feels like an eternity. It’s not, but it’s dang close.


Step seven:


Fat chance. You are probably still somewhere between step five and step six.


Step eight:


In the unlikely event that you were able to calm down baby enough for her to be somewhat asleep in her crib, and thus allowing your exit, take this opportunity to quickly and quietly exit the room.


Step nine.


Kick over doll house left in middle of the floor by big sister. Repeat steps five through eight.


Step ten:


Finally, finally, after hours of trying, utter exhaustion, zero patience or sense of time left, baby is asleep. Collapse on couch, think of all the chores you saved for when kids went to bed.


Step eleven:


Crawl into bed. Maybe tonight is the night the dishes will clean themselves. Get indescribably comfortable. Close your eyes.


Step twelve:


She’s awake again.

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