Great (Unrealistic) Expectations

I never really, deep down inside, believed that my mother was dying.

I know that is probably the most ridiculous sentence you’ve ever read, but it’s true.

Well, mostly true.

Deep in my subconscious I think there was a part of me that understood what was happening.

That small piece inside that kept whispering reality.

But the rest of me.

The rest of me didn’t really believe it was happening.

Couldn’t believe it was happening.

See, there was no life before my mom.

Again, a ridiculous sentence I know.

But it’s true.

There are no memories without my mom in them.

There were no moments that she didn’t touch, in some way.

Even if just playing a background character in whatever storyline that was currently playing out

My mom was always there.

So she couldn’t be dying.

Right?

She would always be there.

She had to be there.

And even though I could have conversations, multiple conversations, admitting and lamenting and worrying about the end coming so incredibly quickly

I didn’t mean it.

Somewhere inside me I held on to a belief that this too would pass.

That there would be some miracle recovery.

Or something.

I had great expectations.

And thinking back I would possibly call it something close to a defense mechanism.

I simply couldn’t process everything at once.

I blocked out what I knew was coming and instead burred my head deep into the sand of denial.

And while I do wholeheartedly believe that part of this denial was indeed a safeguard my body provided to keep me from going into complete and total shock

I also think I, and a lot of the world, suffer from another condition.

Those great expectations.

We all say that life is short, or that things change too fast, or something similar.

But we don’t really believe it.

The “here today, gone tomorrow” mindset is great when we want a reason to skydive or travel the world.

But we don’t really believe it.

I know this because life still manages to take us by surprise when we’re not looking.

An unexpected change or loss leaves us shocked and reeling.

How could this happen to me?

We spout off things like live for the moment or tell someone you love them!

But

We don’t really expect life to change.

Deep down we have a firm belief what we have will always be.

Whether it’s health or family or maybe a job.

It will always be there.

Maybe it’s just a universal safeguard.

Keeping us from going insane in the broken world we live in.

Or maybe.

Maybe we have great, but unrealistic, expectations.

Maybe we need to face the reality that life in this world is nothing but change.

Ranging from the loss of a job to the loss of a loved one.

What we have will never stay the same.

Maybe it will for for a minute.

But then two minutes down the road suddenly your kids are grown and gone or your job is downsizing and you’re out of luck or your mother is swept with harsh finality from your life.

Maybe that safeguard of not truly believing that life changes

Maybe it’s not really doing us any good.

Maybe instead we should be focusing on just how frequently

Quickly

Suddenly

Life changes.

Maybe instead of brushing it aside with the inner thought that it will never happen to me

We should be ready for it.

I don’t mean in a paranoid way.

Looking for disaster around every corner and waiting with baited breath for the next bad thing to knock us off our feet.

No.

I mean that maybe by admitting that all we hold dear is slowly slipping through our fingers

We can find something that actually, truly, one hundred percent does not change.

Maybe

Just maybe

We can have those great expectations after all.

We just need to have them in the right place.

Expecting, even subconsciously, that this life will never throw big changes at us

That does nothing but break you down when, eventually, you find yourself in the midst of suffering.

But “expecting” in something, or Someone, who has never and will never change?

Maybe that’s the secret.

Maybe that’s our great expectation.

Maybe by placing our faith and hope and trust in the One who has always been and always will be

We can have great expectations.

He will not change.

His love, His salvation, His grace, His mercy

That doesn’t change.

Won’t change.

CAN’T change.

When the life we hold so dear slowly unravels around us

He is constant.

When that one thing we always prayed and hoped and knew would just never happen

Happens

He is there.

He is constant.

And whatever road, no matter how painful or changed filled, we are given to walk down

The end of that road?

That doesn’t change either.

When we have our hope in the One who never changes

We can, with great certainty, trust that whatever we endure here on earth will never change our Heavenly home.

We can have great expectations.

If we expect in Him

And all His promises.

 

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